I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
