Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
