Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just want nice things and good sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
