Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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