you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
