I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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