I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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