Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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