Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
