I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
