i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He has the fingertips of a God
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