before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
