I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
