a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
