ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
