So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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