I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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