My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
