Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
