Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
