Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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