I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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