All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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