She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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