May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
