ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
