So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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