people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
