Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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