Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
