I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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