I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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