I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
