Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
