I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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