Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She bit a glass in half.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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