Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
