im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
