Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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