My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
