Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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