How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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