she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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