i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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