it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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