no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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