Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
