Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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