A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
