tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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