you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
dude. I can hear the air.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
