is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
