remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
