I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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