but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
