I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I believe in your delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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