You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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