Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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