As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
