Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
