Where are you?
In a non slutty way
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
