you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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