I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Operation Purity has been aborted
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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