she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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