party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
