Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
